I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
