smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
