I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
My balls are so social today.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
