real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
