I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
We need a shit load of segways right now
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
why is half of my head shaved?
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