3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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