bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
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He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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