my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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