It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
