Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I think your dad took our porno
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
