I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
