come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
