cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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