I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
