distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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