Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
