Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
