Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
