Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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