she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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