I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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