This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
and she was petting her beer can
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
