well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
