Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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