The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
