Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Randomize
