the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
So much rum. So many feels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize