i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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