You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
