nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
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I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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