I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
