forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
