Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
