I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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