Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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