i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
