that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Randomize
