you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
