Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You need a sexual gate keeper
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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