My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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