so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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