Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
