So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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