It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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