did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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