You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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