when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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