i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
