god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.