Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
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Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
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HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.