guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.