from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
did i just pee glitter