I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.