She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
