I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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