i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
