just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize