Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
