I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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