i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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