Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
