Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Randomize
