I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
