Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
