there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
