Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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