Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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