So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
