I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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