It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
