So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
