is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize