Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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