well you can't waste a boner
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
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