I think my fart just growled at me.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
