It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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