my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
