six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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