We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
