I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize