I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
