No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
