she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
